DarkAzrael – The Legend of Mikel Lunsford

I haven’t updated in some time, and I changed all of my old posts to private. Suffice it to say the site has seemed rather empty for a while. To say I have been busy would be a gross understatement.

I tried to go to sleep earlier, but I am still wide awake, so here I sit typing….

I find myself confused as always. When am I not confused? When is it not women? Seriously, why the hell is it so hard to understand the opposite sex?

At this point I am not sure what is going on in my relationship, if I am in one, or if I want to be in one. Typical day in the life of our hero.

Am I just what she wants to settle for? Is she really in love with me? Will she be faithful? Is she just using me? Who is she really and why is she hiding a large chunk of her past?

One week she is unsure if she loves me and wants to break up. The next week she is pressuring me for an engagement ring. One day she decides we should have sex, the next she decides it immoral after talking to her mother.

Sex to me was progress. I thought that meant she was sure of me and that she felt ready to take things to the next level, that she did want a commitment and that she was in love. Reversing that confuses me, causes me to question everything. It wouldn’t be so bad but many questions linger and trust is an issue.

Trust is very easily broken and her actions have caused me to lose a great deal of the trust I had in her. I would rather not go through the BS of being played like a violin again. I find myself building more walls and withdrawing as she seems to be becoming more confident. Her odd games seem to comfort her. I seem to be passing whatever tests she is putting me through, but each game makes me question more, makes me more scared.

At this point I’m not really sure what will end up happening, but I think rather soon it will come to pass. What will be, will be.